8 Things Celebs Can Teach You about Dating ...

Most celebrities dating other celebrities like to promote themselves above everything. If one celebrity partner is more famous than the other one, the relationship generally won't last. The exception exists, of course, when a celebrity gets with someone completely out of the business. Otherwise it's this huge battle for publicity and fame, and one partner will always sacrifice everything for his or her career. I'd point out a certain celebrity family who's getting raked over the coals for this, but they get enough publicity as it is.

Celebrities fall in love a lot. A whole lot. It's always a passionate, wonderful love story – until someone else comes along. When you're out for fame – or power or popularity – rather than love, you're always looking for the next big thing. As a result, it's easy to fall in love over and over again. Get out of a three year relationship, and two weeks later, you're totally in love again!

The only thing better than celebrities dating is celebrities marrying – as quickly as possible. Who needs time to get to know each other? It's all right, just jump right into a serious commitment! It gets your name in the papers! Besides, if it doesn't work out...

You can always break up or get divorced, ASAP. Marriages last a millisecond in Hollywood these days. Again, there are exceptions, but that's hard to remember when people like the Kardashians (oops) and other pseudo-celebrity families are trying to portray themselves as role models. According to the majority of celebrity relationships, nothing is forever and that's okay. There's a reason that you only hear about the breakups and divorces, after all, rather than the happily ever endings. You hear about Sinead O'Connor getting a quickie divorce rather than, say, how happy Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are together.

When it comes to celebrities dating other famous folks, going out with your BFF's ex is totally okay. Forget about girl code or guy code, it doesn't matter! Look at Denise Richards! She's allegedly dating Richie Sambora (why?) for the second time (why??), which is twice as sucky since it happened fairly soon after former BFF Heather Locklear broke up with her fiance.

Seriously. Everyone loves you when you're a narcissist. Or at least, that's what you're prone to thinking when you are a narcissist. Are all celebrities narcissistic? Absolutely not! But the ones who do have those qualities are typically the ones in the media, flaunting a new relationship or bemoaning a new breakup, and crying when public opinion turns on them for their actions.

All too often, celebrities dating have no respect for each other. Even many married celebrities – or should I say pseudo-celebrities – have no respect for their partners. Take a look at the K-family again, on all fronts (except, okay, for my beloved Khloe and Lamar – yes I'm biased). Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger had no respect when they divorced – but I've yet to hear Susan Sarandon or Tim Robbins say a bad word about each other.

Celebrities go through the same cycles – at least, the ones who take pleasure in completely outing their personal lives. They keep going back into the same relationships, behaving in the same way, repeating the same cycles. You can be a big name, like Jennifer Lopez, or a reality star; there's nothing to protect you from the lather-rinse-repeat syndrome.

Obviously, this is all tongue-in-cheek – I promise! If you watch celebrities dating, you know what not to do. There are some exceptions, and those exceptions are great, but for the most part, celebrities dating one another aren't always doing so because of love. If you take a book from the page of your favorite celebrities, make sure you try and do the exact opposite. Hollywood is a hard place to live; paying attention to celebrities dating makes that clear. It's proof that you should never date someone for attention or ulterior motives. Given everything celebrities have to go through to make a name for themselves, would you ever want to be in the spotlight?

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